Why do couples stop having sex?
Why do couples stop having sex?
This is a question that I am asked, far too frequently by clients that obviously aren’t getting nearly enough, if any. If they were, they wouldn’t be banging on my door, with issues such as anxiety, depression, prostate problems or loss of purpose.
Lack of Intimacy in the bedroom isn’t just a problem that men experience, even though your mind would immediately jump to this conclusion. No, women are just as likely to experience the same grief that comes from the loss of a loved one. In my practice I support couples of all genders and sexual orientations, and across the board where there seems to be a complete breakdown in communication around intimacy. No one seems to be able to speak their truth in this matter and it is creating deep sadness. It is not uncommon to have grown men and women sobbing on my table, because they have lost that intimate connection.
Look, I could go into many of the reasons why this happens but I may be rehashing previous posts. So let’s rather try to tackle the bull by the horny bits...
If your partner is just not interested in making love with you, there could be a genuine reason why.
Here are some of the major reasons in a nutshell:
- They have lost attraction to you because you may have put on a few kilos in the wrong places.
- or you smell bad, check your personal hygiene folks...(sexual arousal is also stimulated through the senses)
- You're an unresponsive receiver. This is a big one, it ain't fun to make love to someone that just lies there like a cardboard cutout.
- They could have lost respect for you...are you a nice person that make people proud to say they know you or have you made some bad decisions in your personal or business life, that have led to distrust or uncertainty.
- They are experiencing a health crisis, work stress or a trauma.
- Or they just don’t enjoy your touch. (you may need some help learning some tips on mindful connecting)
- Migraines, tiredness and having other people in the house can also impact to a certain degree, but other than that, if they have just permanently “shut up shop” without any duty of care to the relationship or your feelings then they shouldn’t be surprised if they find themselves without a partner.
This is a really serious discussion, one that I am passionate about, as I see firsthand, what can happen to a person’s spirit when they are not receiving that intimate love connection with their partner. Sexual connection is a basic human need. Sexual drive's may diminish as one ages, but the desire for intimacy may never fade especially if your partner’s primary love language is “Touch”.
Do you know what your partner's primary love language is?
The 5 love Languages are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift Giving and Quality Time
As we rush full steam ahead into Christmas festivities and family events, I invite you to really tune into your beloved’s needs, what would help them to feel loved?
Make the most of your one precious life. Be honest and thoughtful with each other. Know that intimacy starts outside of the bedroom, from the lightest touch to the tenderest gaze. Remember to choose your words and your actions. Some women take time to warm up to sex, so take the time to slowly enjoy the whole experience of connection without focusing too much intention on outcome.
You chose to be a Couple, now "Master it"!
Note: This is by no means a complete discussion on the reasons why there is such dysfunction in the intimacy department. If you are needing support in this area, please feel free to get in touch with me. I welcome enquiries from all genders. Should you need to book a session for yourself or with a partner please check out the Intimacy Retreat or contact me for a private appointment.
Best wishes for a long and loving union,