​Love ‘em or Leave ‘em....
Why do couples stop having sex?
This is a question that I am asked, far too frequently by clients that obviously aren’t getting nearly enough, if any. If they were, they wouldn’t be banging on my door, with issues such as anxiety, depression, prostate problems or loss of purpose.

Lack of Intimacy in the bedroom isn’t just a problem that men experience, even though your mind would immediately jump to this conclusion.  No, women are just as likely to experience the same grief that comes from the loss of a loved one.  In my practice I support couples of all genders and sexual orientations, and across the board where there seems to be a complete breakdown in communication around intimacy.  No one seems to be able to speak their truth in this matter and it is creating deep sadness. It is not uncommon to have grown men and women sobbing on my table, because they have lost that intimate connection.

Look, I could go into many of the reasons why this happens but I may be rehashing previous posts. So let’s rather try to tackle the bull by the horny bits...

If your partner is just not interested in making love with you, there could be a genuine reason why.

Here are some of the major reasons in a nutshell:

• They have lost attraction to you because you may have put on a few kilos in the wrong places.
• or you smell bad, check your personal hygiene folks...(sexual arousal is also stimulated through the senses)
• You're an unresponsive receiver.  This is a big one, it ain't fun to make love to someone that just lies there like a cardboard cutout.
• They could have lost respect for you...are you a nice person that make people proud to say they know you or have you made some bad decisions in your personal or business life, that have led to distrust or uncertainty.
• They are experiencing a health crisis, work stress or a trauma.
• Or they just don’t enjoy your touch. (you may need some help learning some tips on mindful connecting)
• Migraines, tiredness and having other people in the house can also impact to a certain degree, but other than that, if they have just permanently “shut up shop” without any duty of care to the relationship or your feelings then they shouldn’t be surprised if they find themselves without a partner.

Some couples are quite happy to grow old together and not have intimate touch and that is fine if their levels of desire are similar and they have other things in common. But, unfortunately it is more often the case that one still craves touch when the other doesn’t. If you know that your partner is a sexual being and you can happily live without sexual gratification, then doesn’t it make sense to have a conversation and put a plan in place so he or she is still having their needs met?  Even if one of you doesn’t enjoy sex anymore there are many things that you can still do together to be intimate, like massage, cuddling naked together, or stroking.

This is a really serious discussion, one that I am passionate about, as I see firsthand, what can happen to a person’s spirit when they are not receiving that intimate love connection with their partner. Sexual connection is a basic human need.  Sexual drive's may diminish as one ages, but the desire for intimacy may never fade especially if your partner’s primary love language is “Touch”.
Do you know what your partner's primary love language is?
The 5 love Languages are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift Giving and Quality Time
 
As we rush full steam ahead into Christmas festivities and family events, I invite you to really tune into your beloved’s needs, what would help them to feel loved?

​Make the most of your one precious life. Be honest and thoughtful with each other. Know that intimacy starts outside of the bedroom, from the lightest touch to the tenderest gaze. Remember to choose your words and your actions. Some women take time to warm up to sex, so take the time to slowly enjoy the whole experience of connection without focusing too much intention on outcome.
You chose to be a Couple, now "Master it"!

Note: This is by no means a complete discussion on the reasons why there is such dysfunction in the intimacy department.  If you are needing support in this area, please feel free to get in touch with me.  I welcome enquiries from all genders.  Should you need to book a session for yourself or with a partner please check out the Intimacy Retreat or contact me for a private appointment.
Best wishes for a long and loving union,
​Pauline

Written by Pauline Cannon
​Have you ever wanted to learn more about a subject and found that there are a number of options out there...How does one go about deciding which one is for you?
​
1. You could attend a workshop with a group of other participants or...
2. You could pay a little more and learn one on one with a skilled practitioner in the field or...
3. You could read a book and self teach, or do the whole "You Tube, Dr Google" thing...
Mmm decisions, decisions... are there are any right or wrong ones? 

This is an interesting subject that seems to be coming up a lot, and it seems for me when things come up a lot it means there is a conversation that needs to happen or a thirst for knowledge, and I personally, need to stop and listen, or jump to action and write a blog as in this case.

What I have been asked a lot recently is whether I facilitate workshop training's.  Individuals ask by emailing me or just turning up on my doorstep out of the blue, filled with questions.  Look, I don't have a problem with any of this except that it seems like the common thread is that people assume that learning in a "workshop scenario" is the only way to explore their chosen subject. When I suggest one on one, I get looked at as if I have just stepped out of my flying saucer.

So these are my honest thoughts on the subject and I offer them to you from a place of personal experience, both as a workshop and retreat attendee, and as a one on one guide.  Hopefully  after reading this, you will then have more clarity on which way is best for you.

There are pro's and con's of everything one chooses to do in life. So really it is about your desires and expectations. What are you wanting to take away from the event/session/workshop?

It depends firstly on The Subject Matter:
Learning a new craft, like yoga, shibari, art, drumming, dance, or qiqong - these kind of workshops are all ok. Why? Because they aren't deeply personal or transcendent where you need to be held within a safe space.
If you are wanting to learn about Breathwork, Tantra,  Yoni, Womb or Lingam Healing or releasing rage,  I urge you to book a one on one with someone that can hold you, hold your space and be there beside you in case shit goes sideways or pear shaped like they like to say here in New Zealand, which is usually what happens when working with energy.
​
Space Holding:
This is a biggie for me.  Too often I hear that people come away from workshops feeling traumatized, don't get me wrong some people come away from one on one's being traumatized too.  So it is not just a workshop problem.  I believe it is a facilitator problem.  I have been to workshops or retreats to be more precise, where each participant has two support people in place. And then I have been to workshops where there are 20 participants, one teacher and maybe 2 or 3 helpers, who are not even capable of being a support person, because they have not been trained in holding space for another.
At this point, there will be some of you wanting to know "what is holding space?" 

Holding space means that you are fully capable of being present for another persons wellbeing.  You are aware of the signals of stress and trauma.  You are able to assist the person and talk them through their distress and calm them down or allow them the space to explore their emotions in safety without it affecting you, the support person, personally or emotionally.  During energetic workshops it is common for people to have outbursts of emotions, such as rage, screaming, crying, laughter, hysteria, nausea, diarrhoea and various other bodily outbursts.

So think carefully about the subject matter you are wishing to explore, then ask yourself whether you will need a support person to hold space for you, if so, ask the facilitator if his or her workshop caters to this need, which brings me to the next point. Most workshops and even retreats that specify that you need to be responsible for your own experience, are saying that they do not have the capacity to hold space for you...meaning they don't take any responsibility for you if you have a meltdown...so no duty of care.

Your reason:
Most people have a deep desire for connection, to feel loved and feel a sense of belonging, so being part of a tribe or a community that resonates with our core being and our own belief systems gives us that sense of being home and part of a bigger family. If this is you, participating in an ecstatic dance workshop, drumming or yoga festival or even a belly dance huffla, these are all great workshops to do with others.  But if you want to figure out something intimate, like why you cannot make love to your husband or why you cannot orgasm or connect with your body, then this is something you really need to have a guide do with you one on one.  Especially if some of the reasons that may come up are traumatic abuse related and wounded child type stuff.

Scratching the surface or Digging Deep:
Some workshops merely scratch the surface, they give a general idea, but unless they are residential events where your space is held securely and you have the support and mentoring to thoroughly immerse yourself into your experience and allow yourself to connect deeply with body, mind and spirit and then allow the integration of this connection to happen organically you may come away feeling unfinished or depleted.

Is it your story or their story? -Getting hooked into the stories of others:
Lets face it we all love a good juicy story right? Our ancestors told story's to entertain and pass down myths and legends to us, so it is ingrained in us to listen to these tales.  But in a workshop situation that you have chosen to do, so that you can figure out what your story is, why you are the way you are, how your belief systems or child hood dramas have shaped you, do you really think it is helpful to get hooked into your participants story, will that not drag you away from your experience or will it embellish your own? Sure you may resonate and commiserate with the other participants because you may have a similar story, but never the less, it will take you away from your own experience.

When I did my first Tantric residential training, I found that hearing my fellow participants screaming and shouting or loud fire breathing or fist beating really took me out of my own experience and I felt truly annoyed, I didn't come to hear someone else thumping the floor and yelling out. There is no doubt that the external sounds of the other participants drew me away from my own experience. So the beauty of working one on one with someone is that they can be as vocal as they want, the experience of their journey is theirs, no one else's.  They have not been coerced to cry or laugh or resonate with anyone else, and what comes up for them, is owned by them.

Ego always come out to play: 
Oh the ego, it is always there in the background playing away, keeping us from fully experiencing connection. One ego is bad enough, now go to a workshop and every single participant has their ego playing deviant tricks of the mind, comparing, judging, separating...we all like to think that we don't have an ego or we can control ours and yes you can if you know how, but the problem is that not many workshop participants know how, otherwise they wouldn't be participating they would be teaching. Working one on one with a guide or practitioner is really helpful in this department because they can alert you, when your ego is creating chaos. Can you imagine a facilitator having to stop every time someone's ego plays mind games with the participant, nah you would be there for months.

Individual Needs vs Collective Needs:
Workshops are usually created for the broader audience, so if you have specific needs, you may be out of luck unless every other participant has that same need.  A good facilitator will ask you in an email what your specific needs are that you would like addressed in the workshop and she will ask every other participant the same thing. Then cater accordingly.  Unfortunately most people don't really know what they need until they are in a receiving state so, this makes catering specifically for each person really hard in a workshop situation.  However, if you choose to work one on one with a practitioner or guide you can co-create and discuss your needs step by step as they arise and evolve.

Confidentiality:
This is another biggie for me. Confidentiality is so important for people to feel safe. It is a small world and now that we have the internet, there isn't much you cannot find out about a person.  But if you are wanting to keep things intimate and personal especially your deepest darkest desires, fears and traumas, the last thing you want to do is go let loose with your emotions at a workshop with a bunch of people who couldn't care if they blabbed to their partners about this guy or girl on their workshop who had a major meltdown or shared that he had been secretly shagging the receptionist.

Checking In - Duty of Care:
When I am working one on one with my clients, there is a continual "check in" to see how they are feeling whether they are feeling comfortable or frightened, whether they wish to rest or continue, or even end the session because we have covered as much ground as we can for the moment.  With workshops, time is critical, it can be abused very easily and so sometimes when things could be slowed down for check in, this does not happen.  It is hard to check in with every single participant on a one on one basis at a workshop.  Most facilitators will  just do a quick " how is every feeling?", most people will just mumble and say "OK", "yeah good" but not really connect with their inner feelings.  It is just one of those things, you cannot expect to have this extra duty of care in a workshop environment, it would take so much extra time.

Real world Teacher, Mentor, Facilitator, Guide:
Now this is where I may stand on a few toes...so be it...
I don't know about you, but If I am going to be mentored or taught by anyone, I want that person to know their stuff, actually be in business, have clients, and have testimonials to go with it all.
I know a few people in the industry that have somehow risen to stardom in the workshop arena, twists of fate, social media buy ins, because they are "Hot"...part of the beautiful people... but nevertheless, they have zero compassion for people, no accountability, their duty of care is lacking, there have been some that should be behind bars and yet they still run workshops, have a following of innocents and leave destruction in their wake.  Some may even have written books, or appeared on television or rubbed necks with the rich and famous, but this doesn't mean they have integrity and should be inspiring others.  So do your homework, check out the teacher, make sure he or she is a guide on the side, not a sage from a stage. Sometimes the best ones to teach are the ones that live in the real world, have an actual home address, don't piggy back on the backs of others, are humble and are still working in the industry. 

Is your workshop in a tropical location for your benefit or the benefit of the facilitator?
How do you sell a workshop? Choose a fancy destination, that must mean you know your shit. Lets go to Bali, Samoa, Hawaii etc.  Wow that facilitator must be so successful because he or she lives in a beautiful tropical location.  Well guess what, you put her there. By buying into this whole workshop scenario.  Every participant that pays full price for their lodgings and retreat pay for the facilitators well being for the next for months in paradise.  If that facilitator lived in your city, would you be a client? If so then go, if not then just go on holiday don't waste your money. I know I would rather explore a new tropical island without wasting my sunny days away in a workshop listening to others vent and scream.
 
Are you wanting a connection with the teacher?:
For me the beauty of one on one sessions or retreats is that I get to know my clients on a very personal basis.  Most clients return regularly, become friends and almost always there is an energy exchange of some sort which is truly special.  From experience, being a participant in a workshop space is nothing like this, it is quite noticeable to see how some facilitators keep themselves apart from the participants​. This doesn't sit very well with me, there seems to be this sense of inequality..."I am better than you, you are the student, I am the teacher, therefore we are not equals..." No not for me.  I do not hold this belief system.  I believe we are all equals, and that we each have something to share.  Hence the energy exchange of one on one works especially well for me.
​
​Do you need to be heard or seen?
If it is important to you, that you are understood for your reason for showing up, or wish to be listened to, validated and feel a sense of connection with the teacher and the group.  I suggest you choose carefully the group and the teacher.  Some workshops do not allow time to co mingle and allow expression within the workshop space as it takes the workshop on a different path and allows that story to play itself out.  It also allows the ego to come into play, so it isn't encouraged as a norm.
When working from a one on one perspective, you will always be encouraged to express yourself, you will be witnessed and listened to without any fear of judgement and it will not affect the way the energy flows as this session is created specifically for you.

After Care:
I have left this to the last item on the agenda, because it is super important, that there is a high level of after care put in place to check in with workshop participants on how one is feeling after an event/workshop as well as a one on one. For some people it can take days to process and align their bodies and emotions after huge energetic experiences.
Any facilitator worth her pound of salt will ensure that you have the right tools to assist you in the days that follow. From being gentle to yourself, to making sure that you ground yourself, commune with nature, take aromatherapy baths. Stay away from negative people.  Some people find it helpful to book some time away by themselves, so that they can process the events organically without having to discuss anything with anyone.  Silence at this time can be pretty powerful too.  Journaling helps too, as well as eating nourishing plant based food to keep your vibrational frequency high. 
I personally check in with my clients within 24 hours and also offer them the opportunity to email or phone me with any concerns they may have in the days after their one on one so that they can ask questions or speak about how they are feeling.

So there it is, I apologize in advance to any facilitators that may take offence to my musings on this subject. I know that there are a lot of workshops run with integrity and love, but there are even more run with just numbers and dollars in mind, with no care for the participants, and this needs to change. I assure you all that I am not alone in these thoughts.  There are many that have experienced workshops and one on ones and now choose, to be mindful of the facilitator that may inspire fear or love into their being.

​

It's always about the tools...
In life stuff can get us down, emotionally and physically, but it is what we reach for out of our toolkit, that will determine whether we thrive or just survive.
Now I don't know about you but I would much rather THRIVE! 
For the last 21 years I have been turned on and tuned in, to the gentle but powerful healing nature of plants and their extracts, so it is no surprise that the plant kingdom and aromatherapy which are essences straight out of the fine kingdom of plants, will always be my first point of call for all kinds of ailments that come up.
I use aromatherapy for my personal wellbeing, my familys wellbeing and also the wellbeing of my clients at Nurturing Massage in Te Aroha.  I use aromatherapy for everything, even pest protection in the garden or with my furry friends.  I find the use of essential oils in my daily life to be very uplifting, and extremely useful. I combine the use of oils in my daily practices with breathwork and practices of gratitude and body movement. They allow me to keep myself real, and authentic in my own practice with others and I feel healthier and better in myself for the use of the oils.

Have you ever noticed the wee little plants that pop themselves right outside your door offering their healing powers to you? Try going outside and taking a little look, you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that the little weeds growing nearby have healing properties in their cells, exactly what you need at this exact moment in time.
So in honour of these little power houses I offer up some personal recipes that I have used over the last two decades.

Why do we need essential oils in our lives?
We all fall out of alignment at time's (usually when we get cocky and think we are super heroes). We aren't perfect beings, that would be boring, so... when this happens reach for your tool kit of Therapeutic Grade Aromatherapy. (you will know this if you check out the bottle of essential oil for a number that looks like the image below)

On a scientific level we are better off using essential oils, because they are gentle, they work quickly, they go exactly where they need to, it doesn't even matter if you don't know where they need to go, they do, they will find the spot 100% of the time. They also don't build up in your body and create toxicity like pharmaceuticals and they just smell so good, everyone benefits from you using them. Some oils may clash with medication but not all so consult with your aromatherapist on which ones may be best for you.  Pregnant women, may need to be more aware too.  Again consult with your Doctor or your Aromatherapist.


Rituals for Self Love and Self Healing
Essential oils are a great medium to include into your rituals for self love and self healing of the body, mind and spirit.  They are especially great for body awakening and relaxing you after a stressful day. They have transcendent qualities which are helpful for total mind relaxation and meditation.  It was no mistake that the three wise men carried gifts of Frankincense and Myrrh for baby Jesus. Aromatherapy in an oil burner is a great way for clearing spaces of stagnant toxic energy, and clearing aura's of individuals. 

3 Ways to Rescue yourself with Aromatherapy
These are the 3 main ways that I rescue myself, and it all depends on just how quickly I need the problem tackled.

1. Aromatherapy oils can be vaporized in an oil burner or a diffuser (breathe in)
2. Added to a carrier oil (massage) 
3. Or placed into Epsom salts or plant milk and dispersed into bath water. (hydrotherapy)

The choice is really up to you.  The effects will be gentle but effective.  Take time to switch off the tech and come back to basics with natures plant allies. Breathe in deeply, visualize those oils going exactly where they need.  Essential oils have individual frequencies that they resonate at, so the life force that are contained within these oils will resonate with your own frequency in your own energy systems.  Studies have shown that the use of essential oils have reduced disease, tumour growth and in some cases healed cancer altogether!  And what a gentle and cost effective way to look after yourself and your family. Essential oils work with your body not against it.

When my beautiful daughter left home to live abroad and follow her dreams, I made sure she had a little 'rescue box' filled with Aromatherapy Oils of her own to turn to. She has used them for her skincare regime, migraine and period pain, sports injuries, study and recall during exams... and even when she was missing home, they lifted and supported her and gave her back her sparkle...but like any teenager or young adult she gets busy falls out of alignment, and I need to remind her to reach for her tools.

Important before you start

• Purchase only therapeutic grade essential oils, (fragrant oils have no place in healing) I personally use LeReve Aromatherapy. Talk to me about this if wish to know how to start your own toolkit.
• Massaging: Remember to always blend your essential oils into a carrier oil (such as almond oil, macadamia, rice bran, apricot kernel, coconut oil)
• Bathing: place them into the milk or Epsom salts if you are bathing with them
• Burning/Diffuser: place them into water in your oil burner/diffuser if you are burning or vaporizing them
• Never use them neat unless you know what you are doing,
• Use your therapeutic grade essential oils sparingly, 1- 2 drops per bottle in massage, 4-5 drops per bottle in bath, 3-4 drops per bottle in oil burner, diffusers use less essential oil, so value for money is great.

• Never leave open flames unattended
• Never leave your oils open to the elements, keep them in a dark cool place and they will last you for years to come.
• Never let your children play with your oils, keep out of reach.
• Enjoy, breathe, and thrive!

Recipes

​Aphrodisiac Oil: impotence/frigidity- relaxes the body and soothes emotions
Jasmine
Patchouli
Rose 
Sandalwood
Ylang Ylang

For people alienated from their senses and emotions:
Neroli
Jasmine
Ylang Ylang
Geranium
or 
Patchouli

To relax nerves and calm the intellect, great for exam revision:
Sandalwood
Frankincense
Lavender
or 
Lemon/Grapefruit

Panic hysteria/overly emotional people:
Bergamot (encourages us to loosen up)
Orange (restores sense of humour)
Lavender or Melissa (helps dissipate nervous tension and smooth the flow of chi, calm heart/mind

Asthma/Mucus/Wheezing: (powerful 4 blend using Chinese Medicine Philosophy)
Emperor: Marjoram (expectorant)
Minister: Pine (reinforce)
Assistant: Clary Sage (enhances)
Messenger: Eucalyptus (directs the action of the blend to the lungs)

Restlessness/Anxiety/Pressures at Work: Water Element- imbalance of Will
Chamomile
Sweet Orange
Bergamot

Passify Will and Ease Frustration: Wood Element - Qi energy not in harmony
Geranium
Orange
Lavender or Chamomile

Decision Making: Calming fretful and overthinking, mental fatigue
Marjoram
Chamomile
Clary Sage
Frankincense

Psoriarsis
Lavender
Rose 
Sandalwood
Chamomile
Palmarosa

Help in accepting deep loss
Marjoram
Cypress
Rose
Frankincense

Vascular Decongestant: Haemorrhoids, Varicose Veins
Cypress
Geranium
Patchouli

You are invited to book your own Aromatherapy Treatment with me at Nurturing Massage in Te Aroha, to feel first hand how well you can become, by including these therapeutic oils into your life.
Take Care
​Pauline

Today we seem to prefer the word depression over sadness and melancholy.  But there was a time, five or six hundred years ago, when melancholy was identified with the Roman God Saturn.  To be depressed was to be “in Saturn” and a person chronically disposed to melancholy was known as a “child of Saturn.”
Depression is characterized by extreme sadness, a sense of hopelessness and despair.  It is caused by a variety of lack factors including lack of sleep, lack of nutrients, lack of light, and lack of love.  Adrenal exhaustion, cold and damp conditions in the body and hormonal and chemical imbalances can also attribute to depression.  Sometimes depression is simply caused by a series of very sad, life-challenging or threatening events.  Depression is the symptom, not the cause, and is an indicator that things are awry.

In Thomas Moore’s book Care of the Soul: A guide for cultivating depth and sacredness in everyday life, he suggests that the soul presents itself in a variety of colors, including all the shades of gray, blue and black, and that to care for the soul we need to observe its full range of colors. Some feelings and thoughts seem to emerge only in a dark mood.  Suppress the mood, and you will suppress those ideas and reflections. Moore states that depression may be as important a channel for valuable negative feelings as expressions of affection are for the emotions of love. He further states that “melancholy gives the soul an opportunity to express a side of its nature that is as valid as any other, but is hidden out of our distaste for its darkness and bitterness.  Melancholy thoughts carve out an interior space where wisdom can take up residence. If we persist in our modern way of treating depression as an illness to be cured only mechanically and chemically, we may lose the gifts of the soul that only depression can provide.  In particular, tradition taught that Saturn (a term used 600 years ago to describe being in melancholy) fixes, darkens, weights, and hardens whatever is in contact with it.  If we do away with Saturn’s moods, we may find it exhausting trying to keep life bright and warm at all costs. We may be even more overcome then by the increased melancholy called forth by the repression of Saturn, and lose the sharpness and substance of identity that Saturn gives the soul.  If we pathologize depression, treating it as a syndrome in need of a cure, then the emotions of Saturn have no place to go except into abnormal behavior and acting out.  An alternative would be to invite Saturn in, when he comes knocking, and give him an appropriate place to stay.”

According to Caroline Myss, medical intuitive, “Depression is another symptom that all is not well.  Within the clinical world, depression is generally considered an emotional and mental disorder.  But prolonged depression often precedes the development of a physical illness. In energy terms, depression literally is a release of energy or life force, if you will without consciousness.  If energy is like money, depression is like opening your wallet and announcing, “I don’t care who takes my money or how it is spent.”  Prolonged depression inevitably creates chronic exhaustion. If you don’t care who spends your money or how much, inevitably you will end up broke.  Just so, without energy you cannot support your health.

Increasingly, it is being discovered that there are biochemical abnormalities in patients with various mental or psychological disorders.  Ordinarily for instance, in patients suffering from depression, the adrenal glands would slow production of cortisone.  In some depressed patients, however, the glands continue to produce cortisone and adrenalin.  This keeps them in a constant state of alarm, which is the primary reaction to stress.  Similarly, some patients with manic depressive or bipolar depression do not have the normal response to thyroid-stimulating hormone, which means the thyroid gland and pituitary gland are running independently of one another.
Most significantly, it was discovered in depressed people whom Dr Sheally and Caroline Myss measured were very deficient in beta endorphins, the body’s natural narcotics.  On the other hand, those individuals who were depressed and severely agitated had a very high level of beta endorphins.  Low levels of serotonin and high or low levels or norepinephrine are other common findings in patients with depression.

Serotonin is a chemical that facilitates transmission of information between nerve cells.  Deficiencies of serotonin, found in 40% of chronic pain patients, lead to depression, insomnia and even pain. 

​

Symptoms of Depression:
Depression is marked by varying degrees of one or more of the following symptoms. Fatigue, insomnia, appetite irregularities, excessive weight gain or weight loss, irritable bowel syndrome, diabetes, stress, emotional and mental disorders such as introversion, anger, anxiety, nervousness, failure to thrive, poor concentration, muscle aches and pain, migraine headaches, arthritis, sexual problems, high blood pressure, neurosis (a disorder not accompanied by any apparent physical change in the nervous system and with symptoms of hysteria, anxiety, obsession, compulsions and most depressive disorders) or psychosis (a much more serious mental derangement in which  patients lose touch with reality and usual cognitive functions.  These include those things which are usually called “insanity”: schizophrenia, manic depressive psychosis, involutional melancholia, paranoia and senile psychosis.)

Studies have also revealed that telomeres (a caplike structure at the end of every strand of DNA which are necessary to prevent the aberration or loss of genetic information during cell division) are shortened each year an individual spends depressed, caring for a sick loved one, going through a bankruptcy or a divorce, and so on. Shortened telomere length is linked to aging, cancer and heart disease. Pessimism was the first personality trait to be linked to shorter telomere length says author, Elaine R. Ferguson – Super Healing: Engaging your Mind, body and Spirit to create Optimal Health and Well-being

Depression is a condition frequently brought about through feeling that one’s power of choice is either absent completely or totally eclipsed by the demands of one’s situation. 
Dr Norman Sheally and Caroline Myss conducted a case study which found that “Cancer has been linked to depression.” They state that, “to most scientists and clinicians, however the overwhelming evidence that depression clobbers the immune system is apparently threatening because it raises the probability that cancer, the most dreaded and “physical” disease, is just as psychosomatic as a peptic ulcer.

Physicians have accepted for many years that peptic ulcer is a physical disorder when there is actually a “hole” in the intestinal wall. An increase in gastric acidity with discomfort is considered mostly a stress reaction.  Actually, peptic ulcer is generally considered to be rooted more in stress than in strictly physical causes, except in a very few individuals in whom there is a familial predisposition to this particular disorder.

Some other contributing factors that can lead to depression include, stress, trauma and environmental pollution.  Coping mechanisms and attitudes can have a significant impact too.
“We have consistently noted that illness tends to follow certain patterns of stress or trauma that emerge organically out of the day to day business of living. How well our inner resources serve us in terms of helping us to cope with the ordinary events of life, such as disappointment or frustration over our personal or professional relationships, the experience of loss, financial traumas, to name just a few, is intimately linked with ones quality of health” 
Myss states, “Many times I have seen that a person’s energy field is contaminated with environmental pollution, such as toxic air or water or even pesticide intake.  These physical pollutants actually affect a person’s nervous system and, more significantly, they constantly raise anxiety and stress levels in people.  These factors, however, are not officially recognized as “emotional toxins” (meaning there is no way to quantify the effects of these pollutants), and thus the abnormal behavior they generate would have to be credited to a source other than toxic pollution.

I will try to explain so it is easy for you.  Usually when someone comes into my practice feeling depressed, lethargic or in pain.  I can guarantee you that there is a block somewhere in their body system, and more than likely their sex life is not working at its optimum.  Hence the reason why I encourage Sensual Body Awakening Massage over Therapeutic Massage, because it has a much stronger impact and immediacy than the latter. It would require several sessions of deep tissue massage to achieve the same effect.

The word ecstatic literally means "being called out of stasis", Ecstasy comes from the Latin ex-stasis, meaning to stand outside oneself, as illustrated in the expression "I am simply besides myself with joy". This implies that that we are being filled with an emotion or energy too powerful for the body to contain or for the rational mind to understand. Some vital life energy is overflowing, and we are transported to another realm in which the spirit soars beyond the ordinary boundaries of perception and consciousness.

According to Margot Anand, author of The Art of Sexual Ecstasy, the best way to understand the Ecstatic Response is to compare it with genital orgasm - the body's response when it reaches the peak of sexual arousal. There are two basic phases in genital orgasm. First you become sexually aroused or turned on. This is a deliberate process, often called foreplay, in which you become excited through a form of doing. Then before the moment of climax, there is a sudden switch as the arousal abruptly moves beyond your control.  Some inner dam bursts, releasing a flood of sensations that stream through the body for a period that lasts from twelve seconds to four minutes.

When bodily vibrations happen at a high amplitude, that is, when they are intensified through strong arousal or excitement, they produce joy, vitality and ecstasy in your being.

When all the various body parts (knees, pelvis, neck and head) are properly aligned and resonating with one another, streaming takes place in a continuous flow. If however there are muscular tensions the flow of energy will be interrupted at the tension point.

In the eastern philosophy of Kundalini Yoga, vital energy lies dormant at the base of the spine and is channeled upward through the body to the brain.

Lee Sanella, an American Dr asserts that it's rise through the body has an interesting and positive side effect. It causes the central nervous system to throw off the stress.  As the energy rises through the body it encounters blocks in the form of armoured or tense muscles and tissues. Rather like an electrical current, the friction created by the resistance of the armouring to the rising energy produces heat, and this burns away the tension, cleaning and purifying the channels to allow a freer flow or streaming of energy.

As blocks dissolve, a subtle shift occurs and you sense that the streaming sensation becomes more deeply internalised, running through the body first from the feet to the head, and then back down to the feet.  If you can observe this streaming through the heart, navel and genitals, without interfering it develops into a sense of expansion, like an undercurrent, that takes you beyond the boundaries of the physical body.  This is the Ecstatic Response. It is an intense sensation of joy, a feeling of being cleansed and relaxed.

If you are interested in experiencing Ecstatic Response for yourself, please feel free to contact me and book some time to discover the limitless possibilities available to you now.

Best Wishes 
Pauline
+64 21025 12226