Chemistry, lust, desire, love

What do the above words have in common, and why are they so important? How can you have one and not the other? Some couples enjoy it all, but it takes effort and commitment. We live in a ‘throw away’ society where, when the going gets tough, couple’s don’t communicate, they just vacate.


Initially, when we become attracted to a person, there may be chemistry, lust or desire. Then, when we really get to know more and they start resonating with our soul, the big L word “love” may be used. 

The excitement of getting to know a new person gives us a thrilling rush of adrenaline, this makes us feel alive, gives us fresh purpose, similar to driving a new car or speeding around a perfectly cambered corner on an open road.

Sharing time with them, tasting them, discovering their body, giving them pleasure, receiving pleasure is all very exciting and fulfilling until it’s not, some of these feelings fade and you discover that you are sleeping with your friend, not your lover. Sound familiar?

This is not a reason to give up just yet. But then neither should you settle. You may just need to reconnect with your beloved and start communicating about each of your desires, they would have changed. As we evolve so too do our needs.

Over the years, working with couples I have created an intimacy questionnaire that encourages an exploration and communication of desires, fears & fantasy’s, within the relationship.It’s quite a conversation starter, and a great way to get honest with each other.  

Date nights may be added, or time away with friends encouraged. We discuss love languages, sexuality, rituals and different ways to explore pleasure that may not yet have been tried. 

Nothing is taboo, all is discussed without judgment, including other ways of relating.


10 common bedroom fizzers...

Tech in the Bedroom

Health Issues
Financial Worries
taking disputes to bed

It is quite common for men to experience a loss of desire for their partner’s, as it is for women. Apart from the 10 Main Bedroom Fizzers that affect our levels of desire, chemistry, lust and attraction.  My belief is that we also get lazy.

When we don’t take the time to make our relationship a top priority, that is when it becomes stale. We forget to create a sexy play space. We even take technology or work into the bedroom.

Making love begins outside of the bedroom. It is a journey that never ends from the slightest touch to the kindest word, or even the way you hold each other’s gaze. Being a tender lover takes artistry, thought, heart and intention.

If you find yourself stuck for ideas, I suggest you reach out to a guide such as myself to help you explore your options in a safe way.

I encourage you to connect with me if you wish to create magic in your relationship.

Read my other blog post why couples stop having sex…

Happy Loving