Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?

Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?

Love 'em or leave 'em

So Why do couples stop having sex?

This is a question that I am asked, far too frequently by clients that obviously aren’t getting nearly enough, if any. If they were, they wouldn’t be banging on my door, with issues such as anxiety, depression, prostate problems or loss of purpose...

Pauline Cannon -  Nurturing Massage - Te Aroha

Pauline Cannon - Nurturing Massage - Te Aroha

Holistic Massage Therapist
Intimacy Guide


Lack of Intimacy in the bedroom isn’t just a problem that men experience, even though your mind would immediately jump to this conclusion.  No, women are just as likely to experience the same grief that comes from the loss of a loved one. 

In my practice at Nurturing Massage I support couples of all genders and sexual orientations on having better sex and intimate relationships, and across the board where there seems to be a complete breakdown in communication around intimacy.  No one seems to be able to speak their truth in this matter and it’s creating rifts and deep sadness. It’s not uncommon to have grown men and women sobbing on my table, because they have lost that intimate connection.

Look, I could go into all of the reasons why Couples stop having sex, but this post may then become a book… So let’s rather try to tackle the bull by the horny bits…

If your partner is just not interested in making love with you, there could be a genuine reason why...

9 Main Reasons Why Things May Be Getting Stale In The Bedroom...

  • They have lost attraction to you because you may have put on a few kilos in the wrong places.

  • You may smell bad, check your personal hygiene folks…(sexual arousal is also stimulated through the limbic system –  senses…While sweaty armpits may be a turn on for some, there is a big difference between clean sweat and don’t give and pure funky eye watering B.O.

  • You’re an unresponsive receiver.  This is a big one, it ain’t fun to make love to someone that just lies there like a cardboard cutout. Men actually get more aroused and turned on, when their partner is showing genuine interest and enjoyment. Seriously some women are the reason, men have sexual dysfunction issues…(that’s another blog post)
  • Your love language is not being acknowledged or honoured.
  • Being emasculated or spoken down to…It’s hard to be turned on by someone who is downright nasty at other times. Love making begins outside of the bedroom. Tune into his or her Love Languages…
  • They could have lost respect for you…are you a nice person that make people proud to say they know you or have you made some bad decisions in your personal or business life, that have led to distrust or uncertainty?

  • They are experiencing a health crisis, work stress or a trauma. When our brains are engaged in worry mode, it’s unlikely that receiving an orgasm would be a priority…even though If one were to just enjoy receiving touch, then the worries would potentially diminish…

  • Which brings me to the next point… they just don’t enjoy your touch. (you may need some help learning some tips on mindful connecting)

  • Migraines, tiredness and having other people in the house can also impact to a certain degree, but other than that, if they have just permanently “shut up shop” without any duty of care to the relationship or your feelings then they shouldn’t be surprised if they find themselves without a partner.

Know your Love Languages
1. touch 2. quality time 3. Words of Affirmation 4. Acts of Service 5. Gift Giving

I advise you learn them well, then have some fun integrating them into your everyday life. The great thing is that once you know what a person’s love language is, it’s so much easier to provide for them in a way that speaks to their soul. Try it on your friends, kids, colleagues and other family members, and start scoring the brownie points…

Some couples are quite happy to grow old together and not have intimate touch and that is fine if their levels of desire are similar and they have other things in common. But, unfortunately it is more often the case that one still craves touch when the other doesn’t.

If you know that your partner is a sexual being and you can happily live without sexual gratification, then doesn’t it make sense to have a conversation and put a plan in place so he or she is still having their needs met?  

Even if one of you doesn’t enjoy sex anymore there are many things that you can still do together to be intimate, like massage, cuddling naked together, or stroking.

Sexual connection is a basic human need.  Sexual drive’s may diminish as one ages, but the desire for intimacy may never fade especially if your partner’s primary love language is “Touch”.

key Tips...
1. Make the most of your one precious life.

2. Be honest and thoughtful with each other.

3. Know that intimacy starts outside of the bedroom, from the lightest touch to the tenderest gaze.

4. Remember to choose your words and your actions wisely.

5. Some women take time to warm up to sex, so take the time to slowly enjoy the whole experience of connection without focusing too much intention on outcome.



You chose to be a Couple, now "Master it"!

Note: This is by no means a complete discussion on the reasons why there is such dysfunction in the intimacy department.  If you are needing support in this area, please feel free to get in touch with me.  I welcome enquiries from all genders.  Should you need to book a session for yourself or with a partner please check out the Intimacy Retreat or contact me for a private appointment.
Best wishes for a long and loving union,

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